Jim Morrison, “The world on fire”
I’ve slept like crap because, around 2 A.M., a bunch of crows decided that the tree right outside of my window was the perfect place to hold a conclave and caw like crazy until the sun came out. Damn psychopomps.
I just discovered that something called “frito pie” exists and what little faith I had left in humanity has been shattered forever.
One of my two summer dresses :)
Like so many trans women, before HRT I was complimented constantly on my legs, to the point that it ended up becoming frankly annoying to hear/read “OMG YOU HAVE AMAZING LEGS HURR DURR” from every-single-person that I met or visited my blog.
I, however, thought they were too skinny, and I never left the house without wearing opaque tights because I was embarrassed by my bony knees and muscular calves. But that’s no longer the case, now my thighs rub against each other when I walk, and I feel better than ever!
I could still do with a smaller waist and wider hips, because despite all the awesome changes, I still feel my shape is a bit too “straight”, but I’m confident that the hormones will keep working their magic. After all, 8 months is nothing :)
Oh, and I know, I know, lately all my selfies are taken in the same room, in front of the same mirror. I’ll try to do something different next time ;)
sharingpurellwithhowardhughes replied to your post: Sunshine, coffee & DeVotchKa <3
Oooh, I saw them live once.
I’ve seen them twice, once in Madrid and once in Berlin. They’re fantastic!
Sunshine, coffee & DeVotchKa <3
Good morning, Berlin!
Happy to see so many new faces! I’m sorry I haven’t doing very well the last couple of days and I haven’t felt like posting, but it’s just a slump and I’ll get back to it as soon as things are a bit better :)
Also, I think I’ve blocked all the crossdressing porn/sissy/femboi/tr*nny blogs that for some reason have started following me recently, but in case any of them have slipped through and their owners are reading this right now, know that you’re all disgusting pieces of shit and I hope you get diarrhea eating your favourite food and you don’t make it to the bathroom.
To everybody else, welcome :)
My favourite song of all time? Maybe…
One of these mornings
You’re going to rise up singing
You’ll spread your wings
And you’ll take to the sky…
Sorry about the blurriness, I was in a hurry and I just wanted to grab a quick snap of the outfit I wore today to work :D
Lately, when people tell me I’m “brave”, I think to myself “no, I’m not. I’m strong”.
Because there’s a huge difference.
I would be brave, maybe, if I didn’t pass at all, if I lived in a place where my life was at risk every time I stepped out the door, if I had been given an ultimatum of any kind not to transition. I would be brave if this had been a choice.
But on days like these, when I can’t stand looking at myself in the mirror because I look like a dude and my makeup is a mess, when the only thing I want to do is stay at home under the covers but I clench my teeth and step out the door anyway because I can’t afford to take another day off, what I need is strength. Strength to ignore the voice of dysphoria in my head and go about my day as if I were a normally functioning human being. Strength to choke back the tears and sit in front of my computer monitor for 8 hours and do my job because I can’t afford to lose it. Strength to keep my composure until I get home and I can finally break down. Strength to carry on, because if I give up today, maybe I’ll set a precedent and I’ll give up tomorrow too, and the day after that, and every day that I feel like shit. But life doesn’t stop just because I have a bad day, and what it takes to get through that is not bravery or courage, it’s force of will.
So please, don’t tell me I’m brave. I might have other qualities, and maybe some of them might be worthy of admiration, but there are many people out there who are far braver than me. Go tell them. They probably need it more than I do. Me, I just need a hug from time to time.
Somebody (hiii you! XD) just posted their workout routine, so I thought I’d share mine too, in case somebody wants some ideas of stuff you can do at home without exercise balls, weights, dumbbells or anything of the kind.
I’ve always been very, very skinny, to the point that at several points in my life I’ve been pretty close to being underweight, but when I started HRT I started gaining fat quite quickly, so I realized I had to do something if I wanted to keep myself at least a bit toned and fit. I don’t want to lose weight, though, so if that is what you need, you’ll have to look elsewhere…
I focus mostly on my thighs and butt, with some core strengthening thrown in for good measure, but without focusing too much on abs. Also, no upper body exercises whatsoever, because the last thing most of us trans girls want is to gain muscle mass on our arms and shoulders! I’ll take flabby arms over manly biceps any day, thank you very much :P
- 20 squats
- 20 plié squats
- 20 superman each side
- 20 forward lunges each leg
- 15 side lunges each side
- 10 side planks each side
- 20 bridges
- 20 side leg lifts each leg
- 10 crunches
- 10 leg drops (working on increasing the reps on these)
- 5 minutes of panting and moaning pathetically on the floor
I do this every day, and add 15-20 minutes of cardio at least once a week for general wellness (if you want to lose weight in addition to gaining strength, you’ll have to do it three or four days a week and possibly do other stuff I know nothing about), even if it’s just dancing ridiculously in my room and doing jumping jacks. The point is to get me sweating and burning oxygen!
If you want to share any tips, feel free to reply, reblog or hit my inbox! :)
Sometimes I get sincerely worried that the only thing I do most weekends is eat and sleep. After years and years of being a hermit, I want to go outside and do stuff with other people, but I have no idea how to make new friends, and on top of that, one thing that hasn’t changed is that I still don’t like most people, so on the rare occasions I get a chance to socialize, I always end up like “ugh, humans”.
I feel like a loser, and I don’t even know if it’s because of society’s expectations that I should be outside having “fun” or if it’s because I really need more human contact and I’m totally clueless as to how to go about it. Shitty, isn’t it? Now that I’m starting to finally feel good about myself, I don’t know how to take that to the outside world.
(This has been an episode of Laura’s Pathetic Life. Thank you for watching.)
jodineee replied to your photo: Moar confidence = moar selfies. Deal with it :P
Du siehst schön aus!! :)
Danke! Das ist ja nett von dir :)